That’s Meshed

We just don’t mesh like pees and carrots.

Since becoming pregnant I have learned a lot of disturbing things from my sister, other over-sharing mothers, AND from personally experiencing some of these “things”. Early on I stumbled across the phrase “mesh panties” and when my Google search didn’t quite get me where I wanted to be on the topic, I asked my sister about the phenomenon. Mesh panties are meant to be worn postpartum to keep HUMONGOUS pads in place. I heard somewhere they were quite comfortable and one woman’s personal heaven. HEAVEN?! Sounds like a sad and unusual version of the happiest place in the Universe.

Through my travels into Internet forums and Mom Facebook Groups, I have also become aware of the incontinence-underwear-postpartum-trick. I decided my best adult diaper option was to try before I buy, so I sent away for a sample from a popular female hygiene conglomerate. The other day the purple box arrived in the mail and Jack took the package from me. It finally dawned on me the can of worms he was about to open, so I smirked and giggled a little. Jack didn’t make it past the initial packaging because of course he knows what brands are for the lady bits, and he would prefer to keep his knowledge in the area to a minimum.

Later on that day I took an experiment upon myself. My loins were burning to try on my new underwear and Baby Brain took over. I did something uncalled for, something faux pas, and maybe a little disgusting.

I tried on a pull up in the living room in front of my husband.

Let’s just say the fit was less than desirable with a tight bottom and very saggy front. Add that to the fact that I was wearing a DIAPER and you will understand Jack’s reaction. He burst out laughing and chased me down the hall like a paparazzo.

“Don’t run!”

“Don’t take a picture of me in a DIAPER!”

“But it’s funny.”

“NO, it’s not.” (It kind of was)

“I know, I shouldn’t laugh at you. I’m sorry” (I would have done the same thing).

Laughers, you are probably thinking, “THAT’S MESHED!” And you know what, it is; I’m siding with the mesh panties on this one.